We won't be druv (Part 2)

It's 5.00 am in the sleepy Devon holiday home that CT is currently making a mess of. Time to get up, get washed, get dressed and get ready for the Taxi. It might well be in the middle of the family holiday but this is important. Sussex are playing at Lords. Taxi arrives at 5.50 and manages to miss the early train by 2 minutes, leaving Tiger with a tricky 50 minutes to negotiate sans seat, coffee, newspaper and anything warm/dry to wear. The train finally arrives 15 minutes late at which point the best laid plans etc start to unravel. The Taunton connection won't wait and the ghastly thought of missing the first couple of hours of play (by which time Sussex will have decimated the Lancs batting line up) looms large. Trouble averted though, as connection arrives late and I make it to Lords with 20 minutes to spare.

However, when talking of arriving late, the various railway companies of Great Britain cannot hold a torch to The Gent. Travelling up from near Lewes compared to my great trek from Devon, The Gent contrived to be a sumptuous 70 minutes behind schedule. Whilst, he battles with his own conscience I slump into my rain soaked seat and prepare myself for action.

Skipper Chris Adams admitted he would have bowled first had he won the toss after a 15-minute delay because of morning rain, with early movement on offer in the air and off the pitch. I also admit that I would have started on Red Stripe if I'd been thinking straight but no, straight into the Champagne it was. Whilst the first glass was being tossed back The Sharks chances took an immediate blow when Tom Smith (ex-Liverpool hard man) made a diving stop at backward point and threw down the wicket to run out Richard Montgomerie. Oh, Bugger!

A gung-ho mixture of dashing bravado and big match nerves on the part of the Sharks batsmen seemingly prevented them from rebuilding effectively from there. Matt Prior flashed three boundaries, including a lofted drive, before spooning a catch off Hogg high in the air to mid-on. Double Bugger!

Grizzly survives two run out chances before Mahmood joined the attack after 12 overs and gains some extra bounce with his second delivery to have him caught at slip. Murray Goodwin cuts a ball that was too short from Chapple and Carl Hopkinson is run out by Cork at mid-off as he fails to ground his bat. Loads of Buggers! More Champagne please.

Robin Martin-Jenkins is unlucky to be dismissed, though, as TV replays showed Chapple's delivery caught RMJ's pad, rather than, bat as it crept through the gate. Murmurs of discontent from the Edrich Stand. Sussex then turn defence into attack. England call-up Michael Yardy (37) and Pakistani Yasir Arafat (37) share a pugnacious seventh-wicket partnership of 56.

Amir Khan's cousin returns to halt the revival as Arafat feathers a catch attempting to cut a slower ball and eventually finishes with 3-16. And the mercenary Kartik justified his selection ahead of veteran Gary Keedy by trapping Yardy lbw to end a 96-ball vigil, then having Wright stumped after a dashing run-a-ball 19. Sussex have definitely missed a trick by not following Lancashires lead and calling up Messrs Ponting, Tendulkar and Lara , because I'm sure they were free this weekend.

As they begin their chase, Lancashire's 12th victory in a Lord's finale seems a formality. By this time the Champagne tent beckoned. The game looked well and truly up. However, a judicious bit of loitering by the bar turned an impending defeat into glorious victory. No sooner had the third cork flown into the sky than we were on our way.

Mal Loye, a perennial thorn in our side, demonstrates the Northerners confidence by slog-sweeping Kirtley for six. Happily Kirters gains revenge with his next legal delivery, though, earning the first of three lbw dismissals in his opening spell. Loye missed a delivery that jagged back off the seam, Nathan Astle was trapped in front with an inswinger and Stuart Law made his displeasure clear at being distracted by the sound of ribald laughter from the nursery end, as he edged onto his pad (Shame).

Mushy then shows what Pakistan have been missing this summer as he bowled 10 consecutive overs of spin and guile, returning figures of 2-19. Opener Mark Chilton was stumped for 20 off the leg-spinner in the 23rd over and Glen Chapple's dismissal rewarded Sussex for putting a short-leg fielder in place in the 25th.

It's time to head back and watch the action live. No sooner had we done that than Lancs started putting up a fight. However, Luke Wright then had Luke Sutton caught hooking a short ball to midwicket in an expensive first spell. Fortunately, he did well in the late overs, making Kyle Hogg (28) his second victim after a gritty stand of 58 with Cork.

It looked as though Cork might yet see the red rose county to an improbable win. He hit an unbeaten 35 but ran out of partners as Kirtley tied up victory with 16 balls to spare, pretty much as predicted by Tiger’s dream. On a pitch that helped the bowlers throughout, Kirtley finished with 5-27 - with all his victims out lbw - to take the man of the match award. Cue massed celebrations, much hugging and gentlemanly handshakes. As the Lancastrians headed out of Lords, Grizzly lifted the cup to a raucous rendition of “Good Old Sussex by the Sea”. Fireworks lit up the grey London skies and a tear or two of joy was shed as the mighty Sussex went doo-lally!

After what seems like an age I finally head back to Paddington. What happened on the journey back to Bigbury-on-Sea is still being dissected by criminal psychologists and therefore cannot be released to the public at this time. Suffice to say when Tiger finally arrived home it was either very, very late or very, very early. Depending entirely on your perspective… which by this stage was very, very blurred!

We won't be druv (Part 1)

C&G Trophy final, Lord's: Sussex 172 (47.1 overs) beat Lancashire 157 (47.2 overs) by 15 runs


We're the men from Sussex, Sussex by the Sea.
We plough and sow and reap and mow,
And useful men are we;
And when you go to Sussex,
Whoever you may be,
You may tell them all that we stand or fall
For Sussex by the Sea !
Oh Sussex, Sussex by the Sea !
Good old Sussex by the Sea !
You may tell them all that we stand or fall,
For Sussex by the Sea

"Terror Panic at 35,000 feet"

Following the report in todays Evening Standard I would like to hastily rewrite my previous post as obviously Robert Mendick, Chief Reporter knows far more about it than me. I was only on the plane, I mean what exactly do I know. Passenger revolt, my arse!

Tiger Flight BA179

You see! You shouldn't joke about these things. No sooner are you settled into your seat, awaiting the cheese & chive flavoured pretzels when all of a sudden a phone rings.

Nothing too unusual about that you might think, except when it happens two minutes after take-off on a flight out of Heathrow during the height of a major security alert. Cue mild hysteria and over-reaction by rows 25- 37. The other slightly disturbing thing was that after deciding not to answer it, apparently Mr A Bomber wasn't booked on our flght, it was then decided to smother it with pillows and blankets - utterly brilliant, in fact a totally inspired response!

Once the cunning terrorist (or forgetful idiot) foiling ruse had been undertaken, it was then followed by a Milliganesque bout of "What are we going to do now?" by all and sundry. This then seemingly led us to cruise at about 4 mph and 15ft while the Captain and 'The Company' decided what to do next. Break out the Vodka? Sing a few rousing hymns to cheer everyone up? Dish out the prayer mats? No! What we'll do is hand out bags of mixed nuts. All that we needed was a packet of Bensons, a pint of mild and bitter and a quick quiz and the scene would have been perfect. With the Captain asking the killer tie-break question - How tall is Big Ben? Answer about 6ft 6"

So, once the nuts were sorted out (a popular move, with all but the nut allergy sufferers i.e. me). What to do next involved heading for Shannon airport. BA didn't fancy making a mess over Wales apparently - (insert own gag here). Then better still not wishing to cause a scene over Ireland' (first time for everything) the instruction came to fly on out over the Atlantic, only then to inform the plucky souls of flight BA 179 that actually we really ought to head back. More out of deference to the bloke who was obviously very keen to speak to someone on the plane. And we all know about steep 'roaming' charges... The only downside to this was the fact that we had loads of fuel on board so that needed to be dumped before headiing back to terra firma. The sight of Kerosene being chucked willy-nilly into the Atlantic just about topped the whole experience off. Fly tipping in its truest form!

So, some four + hours after boarding Tiger disembarked to be greeted by the sight of three BA employees being beseiged by over a hundred indignant passengers. At this stage CT confesses to taking a backseat, eating a crunchie and trying to work out how to turn the whole thing to his advantage - Could three days in a hotel with mini-bar, a couple of good books and no mobile phone be the answer?

Sadly, the options were limited, fly out in 2 hours perhaps, with no luggage or hang around Heathrow until Tuesday. Book a room at the Hilton and wait for luggage to arrive and dust to settle. Well, best laid plans etc. No room at the Inn, isn't that how the whole of this thing started? Therefore only thing for it. Back to North London and back to the loft in about 30 minutes flat, where the air is cleanish, the rain wet certainly, the Vodka plentiful and cheese and chive pretzels are the only thing on the menu.

Sod the footie, Fidel's fit!

Tiger was just about to sulk his way through a couple of generous SB's when some top news flickered across the Muswell Hill radar (via terminal 4). A state-controlled newspaper in Cuba has published the first photographs of President Fidel Castro since he had surgery two weeks ago. The paper Juventud Rebelde also carried an 80th birthday message from President Castro, saying he was recovering but warning Cubans to be ready for "adverse news" - Thus predicting the result from the Millenium stadium!

He has not been seen since he handed power temporarily to his brother. Well, the test match has been on and you know the weather has been pretty good. Official birthday celebrations were cancelled but Havana held a giant concert on Saturday. (Despite the obvious disappointment of Fidel's non-appearance thankfully the crowd didn't have to suffer any of Razorshite, Radiohead, Babyshambles or Kasabian!)

The pictures released by the Juventud Rebelde newspaper show President Castro speaking on the phone and holding Saturday's edition of the Communist Party newspaper Granma, in a fairly cool move to show the pictures are current. From a style point of view he looked well natty in his Adidas Cuba tracksuit.

In his statement, President Castro said his health had improved considerably but cautioned that his recovery would not be quick, especially after a few more Cubra Libre's than the Doctor ordered.

"I ask you all to be optimistic and at the same time to be ready to face any adverse news," the statement said. It followed up with a four hour critique of Chelsea's somewhat lacklustre perfomance against Liverpool. The key issues were the brutal intimidation of Michael Ballack by the running dog lackeys of American imperialism and the real need for a decent left back.

He thanked Cubans for their loyal support and said that on the day of his birthday, 13 August, he "felt very happy with our pre-season form, despite todays reversal" but he warned against complacency.

In a report of a visit to the Cuban president's bedside, the paper suggested Mr Castro was "firm like a caguairan" - likening Cuba's revolutionary leader to a sturdy tropical hardwood tree. The paper also compared him to WG Grace and highlighted his career batting average of 100.00 as being bettered only by that of V.I.Lenin 122.25. No comment was made of his somewhat disappointing performance with the ball since 1996, when he shortened his run and experimented with what can only be described as dibby-dobby medium pace, albeit still producing the occasional wicket taking snorter!

Recounting the observations of a (made up by the western press) unidientified visitor, President Castro was said to be "up and about, like someone anticipating new victories". Quite obviously saving himself for the new premiership season.

Neither President Castro nor his brother, Geoff, have been seen in public for the past fortnight, fuelling speculation both in Cuba and in Florida, home to many Cuban exiles, about who is in charge. Well, Tiger thinks it is pretty obvious. Jose!

The BBC's Stephen Gibbs in Havana says Sunday's pictures are clearly aimed at conveying a message of continuity to the Cuban people. Well. Stephen Gibbs would say that wouldn't he - twat!

President Fidel Castro became Cuban president 47 years ago after leading the overthrow of American funded pimp Fulgencio Batista who was booted out of town like the snivelling Derby County fan that he was. President Castro is one of the world's longest-ruling leaders, has outlasted nine US presidents and it doesn't matter which team you support. You've got to admit that, that is cool!

Viva La revolucion! Up the blues! Long Live Fidel!

Watching the blues lose again...

A couple of dry whites into the afternoon, CT finds himself at Heathrow - Terminal 4. The Bomb squad, God squad and Osgood all thrown into the mix. Tiger is heading off to NYC for a couple of days of exceptionally hard graft but before he does so. He has to find a way of keeping up with the mighty blues against the dirty reds. No sooner has he sat down than bad news seeps through. The Scousers are 2-1 up via the joys of t'Internet. 10 minutes to go and we are doomed to an early season hiccup.... That being said Chelsea are going to struggle to retain the title this year. Too many good players out of the club and not enough resource across the squad to keep it ticking over. Oh, well it is only football and what does it matter?

What kind of damn fool question is that?

Tiger heads off through gate 1c cursing the result, the balance of the team and the impending 3 days in NYC!

In the jungle

Tiger meets Scritti Politti in an Arthouse

Having waited over 25 years since first hearing the honey soaked tones of Scritti Politti's Green Gartside... I found myself standing in the warmth of an August evening in the ground of the Tate Britain, clutching a modest glass of Chablis and hoping and praying that a) I hadn't missed them, b) they'd turn up and C) the previous poor review I had read was not a true reflection of what was to come. To my absolute delight; I hadn't, they did and it wasn't.

Double G & The Traitorous 3 + 2, not so much hit the stage but found themselves there having been ushered on by some sweet reggae grooves. A brief hiatus ensued whilst Green tried to get his foot peddles working and then Boom! Into a set mainly plucked gently from White Bread, Black Beer. In particular E Eleventh Nuts and After Six sounded even better live. The band fell into a solid natural groove and the evening just sped by as shooting stars flew overhead.

The Boom Boom Bap, a corking couple of Hip Hop covers then The Sweetest Girl as a lovely little skank (with the sweetest girl on bass - I believe the word is YOWSAH!). A beautiful red flag drenched Robin Hood, all the way through to finishing off with Woodbeez (Pray like Aretha Franklin). And above it all that voice, maturing over the last 25 Years - A sweet tender thing of real beauty. As the final ker-ching of Woodbeez echoed out across the Thames, the crowd gently slipped away into the swirl of a beautiful evening and the last sip of Chablis washed down a truly fantastic night. Another 25 years, I think not. I think not indeed.